I'm not sure I'm fully prepared for this post, and it's most definitely the most personal I've got on this blog. Prepare yourself for a long one, I would suggest you make a brew and grab a packet of biscuits I don't want you becoming parched or famished because of me... So some of you may appreciate what I'm about to discuss while others of you will probably unfollow or write something disregarding this post, but I believe that what I'm sharing can happen to any woman (sorry guys you can sit this one out). My story begins with basically not having my period in January, and I predicated it should creep up on me in the middle of January so around the 15th mark or even at the end as my periods have never been regular ever since I hit puberty. I started getting cramps, spot outbreaks, and bloatedness around the time I predicted my period and thought "it must be on it's way then" and thought nothing much of it but the end of the month came and February began and still no period. To add to this worry I had stayed at my then boyfriends house at the time for a few days (26th-28th January), and we had protected sex multiple times but I wasn't taking any precautions for myself so we only used condoms (eh eh bad move number one). I can't fathom how silly I feel for not sorting out a contraceptive for myself before having sex, but I mean we had sex before this and no worries happened there so why was this any different? Ding ding ding, if the condom had split during intercourse there was a high chance I could be pregnant. This was a complete no from me no way did I want to be pregnant at this point in my life, and I raise my hand here and say that I was a complete idiot for not taking precautions of my own to prevent this from happening. Here is where my mental health comes to join the party. I suffer from anxiety to begin with so worrying to the extreme is nothing new to me, but this was different. I became so anxious and sick with worry that I didn't want to eat, I had trouble sleeping, I couldn't concentrate on my university assignments, and my relationships with friends and family suffered because I didn't tell anyone what was on my mind. Adding to this, I had tonsillitis on the 28th-6th February and was on a heavy dose of antibiotics for two weeks, and immediately (if you look at the timeline of events) I thought that perhaps the antibiotics I was on was having an effect on my menstrual cycle (which can sometimes happen but not always) which gave me some reassurance but not much and so the worrying was still rattling through my head. You'll be thinking right now "girl just tell someone, tell your Mum." Well, me and my Mum don't have the best relationship ever and I don't share a great deal with her. She tends to be one of those people that can be quite nosy and pushy as to wanting to know what's going on, if anything it's quite off putting and makes me crawl back into my shell. When I want to share something with someone it's normally on my terms when I feel comfortable about it, so I didn't tell my Mum I kept it to myself. I sorted out in my head that I would get myself a pregnancy test and go from there. If it was either positive or negative I was adamant that I was going to force myself to go to the doctors to see what I had to do next... So on Friday 12th February I bucked up and decided to take a pregnancy test, and it was the scariest moment of my life by far. You may be thinking this is so silly but when you've worked yourself up with worry for over a month it's never been more scary to pee on a stick and await a + or - sign that I would happily have swapped to re-do my maths GCSE again. It read "-" not pregnant. I felt a great sense of relief, but that wasn't the end. No like anything it's important to read the instructions and the booklet that comes with the pregnancy test advised me to take another test in 3 days time if my period still hadn't arrived. So obviously to be certain I took the second test on the 16th February...again not pregnant. To begin with I couldn't bring myself to go to the doctors, my anxiety was sky high and I felt like everything was collapsing on top of me. A few days later I broke down crying to my Mum and I told her straight about the tests and that I was still worried that I could be pregnant. This was a huge deal for me, to basically tell your parent that you've had sex and I sensed it had an impact on her too to know that her little girl had done an adult act. She was deeply concerned, quite angry at me for not telling her but above all she was understanding. I've never felt such relief to telling my mum what I'd been keeping to myself for so long, and puncturing my health because of it. I was now feeling calm, and I even called my friend Jodie who I spilled everything to as well. She reassured me and made me feel better that it could be anything and I might not be pregnant at all. This is when I finally took action and made a doctors appointment to end this turmoil of worrying 24/7 and that whatever the outcome I would be a lot happier knowing what's going on with my body and what to do next. Monday 22nd February I booked myself a 9:40 appointment with the doctors and I surprisingly felt quite calm, and I was eager to hear what the doctor had to say. My Mum insisted that she came with me for moral support. I then confined in my doctor as to what was happening and she examined my stomach, she came to the conclusion that she didn't think I was pregnant but I could have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome- yeah I know this meant nothing to me either. She explained that this is where I may have cysts on my ovaries that cause my menstrual cycle to become irregular and the chances of conceiving in the future were uncertain but not impossible, there's treatments and other various processes that could help me. So that was to some extent a relief that this syndrome could be the cause of all this worry. My doctor then gave me an appointment slip for a blood test for that day and she was going to also arrange an ultrasound after my blood tests came back from the lab. My Mum had to go back to work and off I went up to the local hospital for my blood test. The only other time I had a needle in me was for jabs at school, I wasn't worried but waiting for your number to be called was pretty gut-wrenching. Strangers around me all waiting for the same procedure, I knew it wasn't anything to worry about but when number '31' was called I was up and several pairs of eyes were a watching me it felt like I was Katniss volunteering for the Hunger Games. The nurse greeted me with a smile and a comment about how she liked my name, and I was sat in the chair with my sleeve rolled up ready. A quick squeeze and a sharp pinch, it was done. A 3-4 day waiting period before my results, and so I took a leisurely walk home picked up some peanut M&M's on my way and got on with my university assignment. I was pleased with myself that now things were rolling I felt calm, and I found an explosion of inspiration to start writing up this post and being my new assignments. Results day arrived quickly and I felt confident that I wasn't pregnant, but that was pretty much a mask to display in front of my Mum as I knew she would be worried. I got the phone call from my doctor at around ten to twelve, my heart was thumping so hard I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. The tests found that I wasn't pregnant but I do have ovarian cysts and I needed further tests to assess the seriousness of them. With that statement my doctor informed me she had arranged an appointment for the 22nd March to have an ultrasound taken, and that was it. Now that the big pregnancy worry was out the way, I could now fully concentrate on my university assignments and I was beginning to get back to my old self again. The 22nd March rolled round in a hurry and I had to down two pints of water before making my way to the hospital with Mum and spent forever waiting for the nurse to call my name. I've spent a fair amount of time in hospitals these past few years with my Nan, Aunt, and Uncle but they still give me nerves. Me and Mum were sitting in the waiting room and my bladder was about to explode any minute, and you know hospitals they're never on top of appointments so I was about to pee all over the floor when they finally called my name. The nurse got me to lay down on the bed and I had to expose my grotesque stomach and she squirted on the jelly, and within a couple of minutes she told me my ovaries looked normal and to make a doctor's appointment in a couple of week with my doctor as to what to do next. Well me being me I didn't go back to my doctor until a month later (don't do this, go when you should), and I think the reason I didn't was because I was told my ovaries are "normal" and that gave me such relief that I didn't feel it was urgent for me to go back other than to get myself on the pill. Anyway, after gaining back my period at the end of the month too I was relieved and again felt that going back wasn't that much of an issue. Two months have gone by since and I haven't had my period...so I'm back to square one. The worrying and questioning came back. I was having menstrual pains but no period still, and every day I would wake up hoping there was blood all over my bed sheets, seriously I would have been jumping with joy but no. So obviously me being a fool I Google my symptoms and everything was screaming various medical conditions, from premature ovarian failure to ovarian cancer. I made an appointment with my doctor again. I said to myself I wouldn't let my health come second best to everything else, and I basically rolled off all of these possibilities of what could be wrong with me and I was pretty upset. Well, all I can tell you is my doctor has put me on the pill. This is more of a trial to see whether it will regulate my period and put things back on track or whether it doesn't and I need more tests to discover what could be wrong with me. Hopefully it won't come to that and my my periods will be regular and won't cause me anymore grief! Below is the combined pill I have been prescribed, again DON'T accept other people's medication including the pill. These pills are for personal use, not for anyone to be taking so please keep this in mind before taking someone else's contraceptive pill. I know some of you will be thinking "I'm not stupid," well you'll be surprised how many people think this is okay. So just a kind reminder!
Phew, now this is probably the longest post I've ever written, but what I wanted you to grasp from this post is that you shouldn't ignore your health no matter how small it might be just tell somebody. If it turns out there's nothing wrong then that's great, but it's better to get the okay from a professional rather than your gut instinct. I've told you what happened with me because I bottled it all up and it's no picnic I can tell you, so please please please don't leave things thinking it will all blow away. It won't, it will keep digging at your brain, making you panic and unhappy. You will feel so relieved in telling someone and acting on the problem, I promise you! I know this post got quite personal but I wanted to write it for the sake of you guys who are/could go through the same situation as I went through, or even something similar. Sometimes knowing you're not alone will make you feel better, and I'm more than happy to listen to you if you have any worries or concerns. I obviously can't do an awful lot to help but I can try and make sense of what's going on in your head and reassure you of what you can do next to make things better again. *Note at the time of me being stressed out about possibly being pregnant by then boyfriend pretty much tossed me aside, and it just proved to me how much looking after number one is important- you! If the person your with does this to you and gives you no support, get rid. They don't care about you. I'm now with a guy who genuinely cares about me...a happy ending after all! I hope you're all safe and well,
